We went to the hospital at 12:00 a.m. on August 23rd 2007 to be induced. I was already a week overdue, and showed no signs of going into labor myself. I want to also preface this story by noting that I was holding my breath the whole time I was pregnant. I took 6 at home pregnancy tests before calling the doctors office to schedule an appointment and I was SCARED to death! My mom called to wish me Happy Birthday on December 12th and I busted out crying and told her that I had just found out that morning that I was pregnant and Dave and I weren't ready. After having a couple of surgeries for various female problems I wasn't sure that I'd ever have a baby. Then just 3 short months after Dave and I got home from Jamaica we were shocked to find out that we were expecting. I had some spotting at the end of my first trimester and immediately thought that I was miscarrying. I remember Dave driving me to Summit after church that Sunday and holding his hand as tears just rolled down my cheeks. Turned out that I had a few other embryos that were dissolving and I wasn't losing the pregnancy, but they did several tests and finally an ultrasound to make sure. That was the first time that I saw Cadence move. She was like this tiny little jumping bean with arms and hands (makes me cry right now). I was so proud of those ultrasound pictures ♥. I had a dream when I was about 8wks that I was having a little girl, but we had to wait until I was 21wks to find out, and sure enough - we were expecting a little princess :). I didn't gain much weight and had an aversion to meat of any kind the whole time I was pregnant with her... and I was still holding my breath. I was excited on the outside, but SO scared to get my hopes up on the inside. When it finally came time to be induced I was so anxious I wanted to scream. SO... when I went in to be induced they immediately gave me a tablet of cervadil to encourage my cervix to dilate. By 6 a.m. I still had not dilated AT ALL, but Dr. J went ahead and broke my water to see if that would jump start dilation. After about 9 hours of contractions I finally decided on an epidural but was still only dilated to about 6cm. At one point the nurse rushed into the room and flipped me onto my side and put an oxygen mask over my face because Cadence's heart rate had dropped so much due to the long labor. As I lay there hour after hour I kept thinking "This is it... she's going to die, I've made it all the way to the end and my baby isn't going to survive this." I wish, looking back, that I would have had more faith in God about it, but I was so emotionally exhausted that I couldn't make myself believe that it was going to be OK. Finally, at about 11:00 the doctor came in to check me before going home and discovered that I was fully dilated. Due to having surgery on my cervix before, it was extremely scarred and resistant to opening. When the doctor checked me before I could push she said "Your baby is face up", which makes it impossible to get the baby out. Luckily, she was able to turn Cadence in just a few short minutes and I began to push. I remember that everyone was saying encouraging words while I was pushing (which wasn't long) but I didn't hear any of it (I saw it later on the video)... It seemed almost quiet in my mind as I was waiting for what I knew would be one of the most important moments in my life. I heard Dr. J say "The cord is around her neck.. (pause).. and her body". "Oh but I've got that off, and it looks like she's coming out with her arm first". Then it happened. A tiny tiny little conehead was laid up on my belly and she was howling like a baby calf. When she heard me talking to her she quietened down and was as awake and alert as she could be. She formed an immediate connection with Dave and seemed to be winking at him from the start. When the nurse took her from me to get her cleaned up I just started sobbing. I don't think that anyone can truly understand or describe that moment when you realize the gift that you've been given in your brand new baby. It's like God just chose to grant you this one miracle and it's so overwhelming. I knew then that she was meant to live and I was meant to be her mother.
That was 3 years ago and I still remember it so well. I've cried the whole time I've been writing this entry just because I still can't get over how blessed I have been to be Cadence's Mommy. She has brought so much joy to my family and Dave's family and has made my whole existence worthwhile. When she started pre-school last week I thought that I would have a breakdown, but she has surpassed all my expectations and has taken to it like a fish in water. She has always been a troublesome little thing, a diva, and a rambunctious child her whole life, but I couldn't imagine her any other way. I feel strongly convicted that the whole reason for my being put on this Earth is to be my baby girls' Momma. They have brought so much meaning and joy to my life.
