Thursday, July 23, 2009

Long Week, Long Thoughts

This week has been one of the longest and hardest weeks I can remember. I'll start by saying that this past year has had it's fair number of trials anyway. We have lost friends, family members and jobs. David and I quit going to church for a couple of months because we didn't feel welcome, then we started going to other churches and didn't feel like we were at our true church home. We were SO happy to find out that we were having our second child early this year, but this pregnancy has not been as straight forward as the first either. For the past several months things have seemed to pick up - we have been going back to our home church and feel comfortable and welcome there, we have been spending more time with family and close friends, and have had several calm months on the pregnancy end. But as most of you know, when things seem to be going too well, the devil likes to snake his ugly way into your life. Some very stressful family stuff started over the weekend and has worn us all down. Nothing life-threatening, but hurtful nonetheless. After seeing my husband more upset than I have ever seen him I started getting stressed too. Dave is the most calm, easy-going man I have ever known, and I have probably seen him upset or worked up less than 5 times in the last 4 1/2 yrs. He believes that life is too short to hold grudges and be unhappy. On Sunday night I started spotting. I wasn't worried the first time it happened because I didn't really think it was coming from my female parts, but after a 2nd occurrence I realized that it actually was. After speaking to the doctor we decided I should stay home and monitor the bleeding and contractions for dramatic changes that may indicate a bigger problem. Thankfully, none came, and I went about my business considering it a fluke. Monday afternoon I started spotting again. I called the doc again, and we went over possible scenarios and I decided to try to go home to wait it out again. Luckily, this proved affective and I haven't had any spotting in 3 days! I will be checked at my next visit to confirm whether or not my cervix has started opening early, but we think it could just be attributed to stress. Also, Monday, Dave went to take his placement test for VolState, so he was anxious about that and had a hard time focusing. (Hopefully he will be calm and relaxed for his testing today :)) I felt that Tuesday was relatively calm, everyone seemed to be doing OK considering the situation, but Wednesday was another hard day. After learning of a family member being diagnosed with cancer I had a little breakdown of my own. It really made me think about my husband's thoughts on "life being too short for all of this"... I know that he is absolutely right. It is bad enough that anyone has cancer, but it made me realize that it could be my mom, or Dave's parents just as easily. Cancer is so quick to sneak in and take a life, not to mention that anyone could be in a car accident, become ill, lose a spouse, ANYTHING. We don't yet know the stage or extent of the cancer, but I'm a firm believer that prayer works, as it has worked in my family several times.

Today I woke up with a song in my head that I had not heard since I was a little girl in Sunday School. It's about the fruit of the spirit and it says :
"The fruit of the spirit shows Gods love in you, a seed of love is planted and grows,
and the spirit shines through. But you gotta have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness - for this is the fruit of Gods spirit. You gotta have goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control - for this is the fruit of Gods spirit."
Now I don't know why I woke up singing that, but I really feel that God wanted me to hear that message today. With everything going on it is hard to feel and show all of these fruits, but shouldn't it be a daily goal to show them? I believe that I know several people that strive to live by these adjectives, one of which is my husband. I KNOW that I don't exhibit them all, but I am going to start trying today. It's hard to think about being loving or kind to people that have not been so toward me or Dave, but I am going to try my hardest because I know that I'm not perfect either. It's hard to let go of "wrongs" you think people have done you, but I think the only way God will give you peace is to accept his will and forgive and move on. If I died tomorrow, or if any member of my family died tomorrow I would want them to know that I love them and it doesn't matter what they do wrong because God is the only judge and I want to have the fruits of the spirit in my heart.

Dave and I are blessed much more than we deserve. We have the most beautiful little girl in the world that tells us every day how much she loves us, and nothing compares to how good that feels. We have a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs. I have a job that I love with people that are wonderful, and Dave is going back to school after 11 yrs to do something he loves. We have AWESOME families on both sides that would, and have, dropped everything to help us through our rough times - be it illness or otherwise. And, God willing, we are going to have another healthy beautiful baby in just a few more weeks that will only increase the love we all have for each other. I hope that anyone reading this has taken something out of it and has a wonderful, blessed day.



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