Bad Dream

When I was pregnant with Cadence I started having dreams early on... these dreams would range from Baby Dreams to Nightmares - but for whatever reason, my entire pregnancy was plagued by frequent dreams. This pregnancy has been no different. The dreams are just as numerous, and just as broad. But I can't seem to forget last night's dream as I have been able to do with most of the others. Last night I dreamed that my Uncle Mitchell wasn't dead. I dreamed that he had only been away for this past 8 months, and he had to keep it a secret, so he faked his death. I can't tell you how happy and excited my family was, it seems like my Mumsie, mom, and me just held each other and sobbed like big babies because we were so overcome with joy. And of course my Uncle Mitch was making fun of us (and crying too) for being such drama queens. Then I came to the point in the dream when I knew that it wasn't real. I felt like the whole world was crashing down on me again and I struggled to stay in that dream for as long as I could just to be with him again.

I thought that the hurt would ease. Some days I barely think about him, or his awful death, and I'm thankful that I have a wild little girl to run after to occupy my thoughts and time... but there are still days when his death consumes my every thought and I hide in the bathroom wherever I am and cry. I wonder if the pain and dissappointment will lessen in the years to come? Can you ever overcome the grief of the death of a loved one? Will I think of him tonight as I close my eyes to sleep?

As sweet as it was to be in that "fantasy" for a few minutes, it was another bitter blow when I realized that it wasn't real. I pray for a dreamless sleep tonight.